Therapy for Codependency
Do You Think You Might Be In A Codependent Relationship?
Are you in an unfulfilling relationship where you find yourself constantly going out of your way for the other person? Are you so preoccupied with their needs that you neglect your own? Deep down, do you feel like you don’t even know who you are outside of your relationship with your partner?
If you’re dealing with codependency, you might feel like having needs of your own is selfish. As a result, your relationships may be fraught with unhealthy amounts of self-sacrifice. You’re so used to people-pleasing and doing things for others that making time for yourself feels wrong. As much as you want to establish boundaries and make space for self-care, the idea may seem scary and unfamiliar.
Codependency Can Lead To A Loss Of Identity
When you’re codependent, you may feel like your whole identity is wrapped up in another person. As a result, you might struggle to know what you want out of relationships—your only concern is what the other person wants. It’s as if you’re not sure where they end and you begin.
If you think you might be in a codependent relationship, we encourage you to pursue counseling with us. Here at The Growing Mind, we want to help you harmonize your sense of independence with your need for love. It is possible to be both separate and connected in a relationship—you can have it both ways.
Most People Learn To Be Codependent From Early Childhood Relationships
Codependency is not exactly a hot topic in mainstream culture—many people don’t even know what it is. Basically, a codependent relationship is any relationship where you constantly sacrifice your own needs and values for the sake of someone else.
The phenomenon is very common among people who grew up with narcissistic or demanding caregivers. For instance, suppose a child learns that the only way to avoid punishment is to go out of their way to please their parents. Once this behavior becomes habitual, it’s very difficult to stop. So as the child grows older and becomes an adult, they are likely to keep people-pleasing out of fear—it’s the only way of doing relationships they’ve ever known.
Codependency Afflicts Women More Than Anyone
In today’s world, women are taught to be caretakers above all else. They’re supposed to be nurturing, accommodating, and self-sacrificing—to give up the world for their kids and live in a supportive role to their spouses. Little wonder, then, that so many women end up in relationships where their needs are ignored and they feel like a sidekick.
Although our society has pushed for women to have more independence and more career success, this hasn’t exactly solved the problem. After all, many women simply have more on their plate now—more obligations to spouses, kids, colleagues, bosses, and everyone else under the sun.
Codependency therapy is a chance to step away from all these obligations and just be yourself. You have enough on your plate as it is—we want to give you a space to decompress, relax, and practice self-care.
Therapy For Codependency Can Help You Get In Touch With The Real You
Codependency is a survival strategy. It’s a mindset designed to keep you safe in your relationships by making sure the other person is always happy. In counseling, you can learn about where your codependent mindset came from, how it affects your relationships, and what you can do to lessen its hold on your life.
Although we want you to improve your relationships with others, the most important part of codependency recovery is deepening your relationship with yourself. Codependency erodes your sense of power; we want to help you get it back. Therapy is about unlearning the behaviors that led to codependency and focusing on you—attending to your needs, creating new boundaries, and learning that it’s okay to practice self-care.
Tailoring Your Codependency Therapy Plan
Our practice uses a very attachment-focused lens for understanding codependency. This means that we’ll explore how early relationships in your life have impacted your adult relationships. Together, we’ll uncover any trauma, neglect, or feelings of unworthiness that you experienced in your childhood. Our goal is to get to the root of your relationship struggles and figure out where unhealthy beliefs (such as the idea that self-care is selfish or that boundaries are bad) came from.
Additionally, we often draw from an approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS) for working with codependency. The idea behind IFS is that your “self” is made up of many different parts that are designed to help you cope and survive. For example, there might be a people-pleasing part of you that tells you that the only way to experience love is to constantly please others. IFS can help you understand why this part exists and what you can do to contain it. The goal is to achieve a sense of harmony between all of your parts.
Codependency is a survival strategy that has served you up until now, but you're finally ready to step into your own and discover the real you. At The Growing Mind, our mission is to help you get this journey of self-discovery started. We want you to feel complete whether you’re in or out of a relationship.
You May Have Some Questions And Concerns About Codependency Therapy…
Does this mean I have to push everyone away?
Not at all! We are not going to tell you to push people away or end relationships. Instead, we will focus on helping you stand up for yourself and implement clearer boundaries. Your relationships should not take away from your sense of self, because when you are at your best, your relationships are, too.
How long will codependency counseling take?
Codependency can take a while to unlearn. It’s like building a new muscle—you have to keep working it out to make it stronger. That said, you get to decide when your goals for therapy have been met. We welcome ongoing dialogue about your progress and encourage you to be patient with yourself in the meantime. You don’t have to reach your goals overnight.
Isn’t setting boundaries selfish?
No, setting boundaries does not make you selfish. It makes you confident and self-empowered, able to better identify the types of people and relationships that make you feel fulfilled instead of drained. When you’ve been codependent for a long time, it’s normal to feel like prioritizing your needs is wrong. In therapy, we will work on deconstructing this view and unlearning the habits that contribute to it.
You Can Feel Complete Inside Or Outside Of Relationships
Imagine wanting a relationship because it will bring something extra to your life versus needing a relationship to give you a sense of purpose. If this is the mindset you want to have, we encourage you to connect with a codependency therapist. To do so, you can use the scheduling form to book a free, 30-minute phone consultation.
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